Recently, while listening to a radio show featuring Elizabeth Day discussing her book Friendaholic which I have now purchased and looking forward to reading.
It got me thinking about friendship and how we each define friendship differently. Why do we gravitate towards certain individuals as friends over others and what expectations do we place on these relationships, selfishly or unselfishly, and how can having greater self-awareness can improve our friendships.
In this blog post, we’ll explore the dynamic nature of friendships delving into why we choose certain people as friends, and the vital role of self-awareness in nurturing these precious bonds.
We ALL Need to Feel Connected
Friendships are the threads that weave the fabric of our lives, adding colour, texture, and depth. They can enrich our lives in the most profound and meaningful ways. However, if we don’t feel connected to those around us, friendships can become emotionally taxing.
As someone who is an introvert and enjoys the company of others, I know that I can get overwhelmed when a social group is too big. So, for me I seek out fewer deeper friendships that provide me with quality meaningful connections that resonate with me over superficial interactions.
Yet, I also recognise that I do enjoy lighthearted, not so deep friendships that still meet my need for connection. I am lucky in that in the main I know what I need to feel connected. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel lonely and unhappy at times. I have over the years honed my self-awareness to help me navigate new and established friendships.
Why is Self-Awareness So Important Anyway?
So, if you have read any of my previous blogs then you would have seem me mention many times that becoming more self-aware is the key to helping you in many situations. Contributing to having a happy life.
Understanding ourselves allows us to engage with others authentically, with empathy and emotional intelligence. By embracing our strengths and acknowledging our flaws, we create space for authentic connections to develop.
The same goes for self-reflection, which is not just an act of introspection. Taking time and allowing ourselves to reflect on our own thoughts and perspectives, whilst considering how others perceive us. Provides each of us with deeper understanding of ourselves. Enabling us to use this information to make positive changes that will enhance our friendships and wider relationships.
Making New Friends as an Adult
I certainly recognised and have experienced the changing needs that I seek out in new friendships as I have aged into my 40’s. However, finding new friends that can provide deeper connections can be challenging. Maybe you have experienced the same.
Some things to bear in mind if you are seeking out new friendships as an adult
- Know that it might not happen overnight – It may require you to move outside your comfort zone. Remember every experience is an opportunity to learn about ourselves.
- Commit to trying – Say yes to invites and opportunities to connect with new people.
- Be open & curious – To when and where you might meet a new friend.
- Be vulnerable – I know it’s not easy, but if you can, it may help to build stronger deeper connections if that’s what you desire, when you meet new people.
- Stay positive – You might feel a little defeated at times, just take a step back if that’s the case. If someone is not inviting friendship right now, accept that, keep positive and try to not take it personally.
- Know your value – Remember that you will add value to someone’s life.
- Consider seeking support or coaching – If you feel that you are putting barriers in your way to meeting new people. Find someone who can support you, whether that’s with low self-esteem, anxiety or self-doubt that is holding you back.
The Importance Choosing the Right Circle
You’ve heard the saying you become who you surround yourself with, and its true.
Our social circle significantly influences our thoughts, behaviours, and attitudes. Surrounding ourselves with individuals who uplift and inspire us is essential for personal growth. However, it’s equally important to recognise negative influences and establish healthy boundaries
If you think about the places, you have been recently, the books you have read, what you wear. I could go on.. Who influenced you to do these things, it might not always be obvious straight away, but chances are, whomever you are spending most of time with, will in some way have influenced some of your behaviours and actions.
We want to and should spend time with people who challenge you, but they shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself.
Who is in Your Tribe?
By this I mean, who do you want as part of your inner and wider circle?
Take a moment to think who you spend most of your time with and are they adding value to your life? Plus, are you adding value to theirs?
If you do feel that it is more negative than positive. Take it as an opportunity to self-reflect on why you might have had those feelings. Did they trigger something negatively in you (if so what could that be and why?) or do you feel that they intended to initiate that reaction from you to make themselves feel better?
Different Dynamics of Friendships
It is important to recognise the different dynamics of friendship, and what is it that you are seeking. Friendship is a unique blend of connection, compatibility, and camaraderie. We want to spend our time with someone who truly understand us and who we can feel comfortable around, and free of judgment or criticism.
Delving deeper into why you are friends with someone, i.e. live in same location, work at same company, shared hobbies. This may help you manage your expectations of a relationship, if you feel that it doesn’t meet your needs.
It doesn’t mean that you won’t spend time with them or find other great people to spend your time with. You will just be better equipped with the knowledge of what to expect from particular friendships.
By embracing the diversity of friendships, we empower ourselves to cultivate meaningful connections that enrich our lives.
Know that Friendships will Evolve, Change, or End Over Time, And That’s Ok
As we journey through life, our friendships evolve alongside us. You may still have friends from childhood or university that have been in your life for decades and yet other friendships may not have continued much beyond those times.
That’s because life’s twists and turns can test even the strongest of friendships. Distance, career changes, and family commitments can take over and it means that some friendships fall away.
Yet, amidst the chaos of life, certain friendships can endure. You don’t always have to be friends for life to maintain a great friendship and if you are an introvert like me, friendships are based on cultivating good communication, and mutual respect. You may not see friends for weeks, months or even years. But you know that you will always be there for each other, and the bonds of friendship remain.
What Keeps Friendships Alive
The key is ideally to seek quality over quantity, you may not always be able to be with a friend but there are many ways that you can let them know that they matter, and their friendship is important to you.
Despite that colossal number of ways to communicate today, we seem to do less and less quality communication. We all get busy; we all have our own things going on.
- Check in on that person that’s been on your mind
- Recognise when someone could be lonely and arrange a catch up
- Schedule in some quality time with them – that means no phones or other distractions that show you are not present.
- Make your friends feel valued and listen to, in the hope that they would do the same for you and the friendship remains strong and connected.
Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
Keep elevating your life, learning about yourself, and, above all, STAY HAPPY
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